Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
