don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
