When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
