there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
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That's how twitter works, right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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