i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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