dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
