You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
