dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
