I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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