Moan for me like Helen Keller
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
