I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize