when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dignity is for republicans.
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
