He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
