she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
