terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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