I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
