Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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