I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
