i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
