I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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