If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
