i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize