So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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