me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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