Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
