i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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