we made out on top of his cat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
