I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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