Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
