There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
