Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
