i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
