He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
