btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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