Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
