Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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