he was CRYING into my vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
