My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
