this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
