Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
