Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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