Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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