This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
