Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize