Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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