Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
