i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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