How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
