I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
