i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
