if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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