we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
