3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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