Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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