just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
