She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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