Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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