38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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