I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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