I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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