In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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