the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
