I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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