she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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