omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
