Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
