12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
