would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
