can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
