Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
