He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
